


Acceptance

by AceDetective



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Can Lying Be Good, Gen, Virgil Centered, self hate, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:32:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceDetective/pseuds/AceDetective
Summary: The Sides never accepted Anxiety and lied to Thomas about it. After the events of "Can Lying Be Good?" they decide they should tell Thomas the truth."Thomas thought it was true, but he was wrong. Anxiety shivered at the thought, his breath catching in his throat. They were lying to Thomas and distorting his idea of the truth. They were leaving the door wide open for Deceit to come in and ruin everything. Just like he did in today’s video. The Dark Side thrived in lies and no one seemed to think it was a problem. If Thomas was happy at the thought of them getting along, the others would pretend in front of him. The other three got along just fine, but they hated him.They faked everything in front of Thomas. They preached about being truthful and knowledge being powerful but withheld it from Thomas! His name wasn’t even Virgil! Roman and Logan came up with it while working on the Accepting Anxiety videos. He’d never tell them his name, no matter what. It was the only thing he had that they couldn’t ruin for him. They would only know him as Anxiety or the “Virgil” character they came up with."





	Acceptance

Anxiety sank into his room and changed his jacket from the one Roman made for the videos to his black checkerboard one. Once he changed, he collapsed onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow. He was exhausted. Pretending to be one of them was exhausting. Every time Thomas made a video, he had to pretend he’d been accepted into the group, but it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Thomas thought it was true, but he was wrong. Anxiety shivered at the thought, his breath catching in his throat. They were lying to Thomas and distorting his idea of the truth. They were leaving the door wide open for Deceit to come in and ruin everything. Just like he did in today’s video. The Dark Side thrived in lies and no one seemed to think it was a problem. If Thomas was happy at the thought of them getting along, the others would pretend in front of him. The other three got along just fine, but they hated him.

They faked everything in front of Thomas. They preached about being truthful and knowledge being powerful but withheld it from Thomas! His name wasn’t even Virgil! Roman and Logan came up with it while working on the Accepting Anxiety videos. He’d never tell _them_ his name, no matter what. It was the only thing he had that they couldn’t ruin for him. They would only know him as Anxiety or the “Virgil” character they came up with.

Anxiety wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle lying to Thomas. Where the others only accepted him for the video, Thomas accepted him for real. Thomas wanted him to come back for him, not for a video, not to make someone else happy. And how did Anxiety repay him? By lying to him ever since.

“Kiddo, dinner!” Patton called from down the hall, snapping Anxiety out of his thoughts.

Anxiety heard Roman’s door open and the Prince make his way down the hall. As he walked, Roman hummed a Disney tune and ignored Anxiety as he passed his room. Anxiety didn’t eat with them. He never had since the day he formed. They didn’t want him around.

He knew the call wasn’t for him, but part of him wished Patton would call him kiddo outside the videos. He wanted to be accepted for real. He did care about the other Sides and Thomas. He didn’t want to cause them more anguish but lying left him feeling awful. The others were happy this way though and he couldn’t ruin that. If he did, he’d ruin everything. Thomas would be upset with the others and himself for not seeing it and he couldn’t let this happen.

He rolled over onto his back and stared at the blank ceiling of his room. His stomach rumbled, and he sighed. He couldn’t go to the kitchen yet for food, he had to wait until the others were done eating dinner and asleep for the night. That was the unspoken rule that developed over the years. He stayed away from them unless he had to work with them.

Which was why Anxiety couldn’t believe it when he heard a knock at his door.

“Anxiety?” Patton called. “I brought you some food.”

Anxiety was too shocked to say anything. No one ever brought him food. No one had ever cooked for him before. Sure, he’d taken food from the kitchen before, but it was never meant for him. Patton cooked for the others and his own self, not Anxiety. Why would Patton change that now? Was it a trick? Were they mad he didn’t realize it was Deceit sooner?

“It’s pasta and garlic bread, kiddo. I’ll leave it out here for you.”

Anxiety heard something be placed on the ground outside his room. Moments later, he heard Patton begin to walk away. Only then, did he get up from his bed and go open his door. He let out a soft gasp when he looked down and saw the food was there.

His vision started to blur and he realized he was crying. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and gently picked up the bowl. He shut the door before anyone came to take it back. He sat on his bed with it in his lap and ate.

* * *

 Patton brought the bowl of pasta to the table and took his seat for diner. He looked around at the two and then at the empty forth seat, that was never used. He caught himself frowning and forced a smile onto his face. He dished himself some pasta and grabbed a piece of garlic bread. He listened to Logan as he discussed what happened during today’s video as he missed most it. He couldn’t focus on listening he found, as his eyes kept going back to the empty seat at the table.

Abruptly, he stood from the table and went to the cupboard. He took out another pasta bowl and walked back to the table. He filled it with pasta and two pieces of garlic bread, before grabbing a fork and heading out of the room. He went up the stairs and stood in front of the first door in the hall. He raised on hand in a fist and knocked on the door.

“Anxiety?” he called. “I brought you some food.”

No answer.

“It’s pasta and garlic bread, kiddo. I’ll leave it out here for you.”

Patton placed the bowl on the floor and walked away. He wasn’t sure if the bowl would be there or not when he came upstairs later. He’d never seen Anxiety eat before, but Anxiety had to eat at some point. He’d leave the bowl till morning in case Anxiety ate later. As he went down the stairs, he heard Anxiety’s door open and a small gasp as the anxious Side saw the food.

Anxiety sounded genuinely surprised. Guilt coiled in Patton’s stomach as he realized they never did anything kind for the anxious Side outside the videos. It was no wonder Anxiety was so horrible to them and Thomas. Sure, when he first formed he was horribly out of control and did more harm than he ever did good, but they never tried to understand or help him. Patton was the Dad and he really let Anxiety down.

Lately, Anxiety had been trying to do better. Patton noticed that, he knew Anxiety wanted to do better and even went along with Roman’s videos. Anxiety went along with their act with a smile on his face and kept away when they weren’t filming.

He returned to the table and retook his place. He gave the other two a smile as they watched him. Logan gave him a questioning look before returning to his meal.

“What was that about, Padre?” Roman asked.

“I just thought the kiddo would like something to eat,” Patton replied. “Today was stressful and you know he doesn’t like lying . . .”

Roman scoffed, “Should we care about that? He’s awful, Padre.”

“So, we lie to Thomas, Roman?” Patton questioned, not liking the tone Roman kept.

Logan cleared his throat, “Patton may have a point, Roman. Given today’s events, we need to consider the consequences of our actions. Should we be distorting Thomas’ reality to meet our own ends?”

Roman grimaced at the reminder. The idea of lying to Joan was unsettling today, but lying to Thomas? That was worse. They couldn’t tell him the truth though. Roman put down his fork, suddenly repulsed at the idea of eating.

“It was sort of acting though. For the videos. Thomas loves those,” Roman replied weakly.

In full honesty, he didn’t want to tell Thomas the truth. Telling Thomas the truth meant telling him they didn’t accept Anxiety. Roman still hated Anxiety, but he didn’t want to disappoint Thomas. He _couldn’t_ disappoint Thomas. But lying? Patton had a point. It was wrong and left him feeling indescribably icky. The idea of coming clean made him feel just as icky though.

“What about the Fanders? And the videos?” Roman questioned. “The Sanders Sides are Thomas’ most popular. We can’t give them up.”

“What’s more important? Telling the truth or the videos?” Patton stood from the table to take care of his dishes. “What would those storybook heroes you like do?”

“Tell the truth,” Roman grumbled.

“We should further discuss this with Anxiety. This affects him as much as it affects us,” Logan reminded them.

* * *

Anxiety finished the bowl of pasta and set the empty bowl on his bedside table. He would take it back down and wash it later tonight. He laid back on his bed with a smile on his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a fresh food. He didn’t cook for himself often, it took too long and increased the chances of running into one of the others. He usually grabbed something quick to hold him over like granola bars or warmed up left-overs from their fridge.

There was another knock at his door. He stared at it questionably. Who would want to see him? Maybe Patton wanted his bowl back? That had to be it. He stood from his bed and grabbed the empty bowl before opening the door.

When he opened the door, he was met by all three of the other Sides. His eyes widened and he nearly dropped the bowl in his hand. He took a step back and set the bowl down at his desk. He opened his mouth to try to speak, but nothing would come out. His throat was so dry.

Logan spoke first, “We wanted to talk to you about Thomas.”

Did something happen? Did they think it was his fault? He didn’t do anything!

“Easy, kiddo. You aren’t in trouble.”

Patton called him kiddo? Again? Something had to be up. They weren’t just nice to him. Why did he think that any of them would do that? He was Anxiety for crying out loud. What were they here to tell him? Were they getting rid of him now? They could just tell Thomas he went to live with the Dark Sides and be done with it. Oh god, he didn’t want to die.

Patton stepped into the room and placed his hands on Anxiety’s shoulders, “It’s okay. Breathe in for four, hold for seven and out for eight. That’s it. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Good.”

Anxiety did as instructed. He hadn’t even realized he was started to hyperventilate. After a few repetitions, he felt a bit better.

“What happened?” he forced out.

“Nothing, kiddo. Mind if we take this downstairs?” Patton asked.

Anxiety looked to Morality to see the dark circles starting to develop in his eyes. Swiftly, Anxiety nodded his head. With a smile, Patton lead him out of the room and down the stairs. Once they were in the commons, Anxiety didn’t know what to do. He stood near the stairs, as he could in Thomas’ apartment as the others made their way to the couch.

He pulled at his hoodie’s strings anxiously. Whatever this was, he wanted it over with. Why could they just rip it off like a band-aid and just tell him! The sooner it was over, the sooner he could go back to his room being ignored, like everyone wanted.

“Could you come a bit closer?” Patton asked softly causing Roman to scoff.

Patton shot Roman a warning look. Patton understood that Roman didn’t like Anxiety, but that didn’t mean he could be so blatantly rude to the younger Side.

Anxiety watched the silent exchange curiously. Was Patton defending him? He shuffled closer and took a seat in the arm chair near the couch, but far enough away for safety.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, wanting to finally get to the point.

Logan looked at the other two on the couch before he started, “We want to tell Thomas the truth about our false acceptance of you.”

Anxiety’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. They couldn’t see how bad of an idea that was? Thomas would never forgive them, any of them. Anxiety couldn’t lose Thomas’ legitimate acceptance.

“ _NO!”_ he shouted, voice distorted in his panic.

“Why not?” Logan asked, remaining calm.

“ _HE CAN’T KNOW!_ ”

Tears were streaming down Anxiety’s face. He rubbed his eyes furiously, angry at himself for allowing this to happen. He shouldn’t have come back. He should’ve stayed in the subconscious when he ducked out. They surely can find a way for Thomas to function without him. If he stayed, Thomas wouldn’t be in danger of losing his ability to trust them.

Anxiety sank out into his room and locked the door behind him. He could hear Roman yelling from downstairs. The creative Side was furious. At him, at the other two. Everyone. Anxiety leaned against the door as he slid down to the floor. He couldn’t stop crying. He needed to stop crying.

He needed to do something. Stop them? He knew he couldn’t do that. They were stronger than he was. If he ducked out again, maybe they could find a better way to fix things? And if not, then he wouldn’t have to see Thomas’ face when he found out it was all one big gigantic lie. He could leave.

“Making friends, _Virgil?_ ”

Anxiety’s head snapped up and he saw Deceit standing before him looking concerned.

“They’re just so nice, huh?”

Anxiety shook his head, he knew he shouldn’t listen to him. He was right though. The others were cruel. Even Patton, Anxiety realized. He was nice to him and made him dinner so that Anxiety would want to cooperate and tell Thomas the truth. He couldn’t though.

“I’m absolutely against helping you,” Deceit knelt in front of him.

“Help me?” Anxiety questioned.

In the back of his mind he knew this was a horrible idea, but sometimes lying was good. Thomas’ world would be ruined if he found out how horrible the others, even Patton, were. He had to protect Thomas one last time.

“How? No tricks, Deceit.”

Deceit smirked, “Worry about it.”

Deceit reached out and placed his hand on Anxiety’s cheek. Anxiety swayed as he felt the worry drain out of him. His vision started to blur and he slumped forward onto the floor.

Deceit looked in Anxiety’s mirror and watched as his appearance changed to mimic Anxiety’s. 

* * *

 

Thomas stared at Anxiety in horror as the others spoke. He couldn’t believe they’d put him through this, but they wouldn’t joke like this. Anxiety sat in his place on the stairs, staring at the ground, without offering a word.

“Anxiety, is this true?” he asked.

Anxiety gave a brief nod without looking up. The Side seemed off, but Thomas wasn’t sure. Apparently, he didn’t know any of them as well as he thought he did.

“Why did you lie?” he looked to Patton.

Thomas blinked away the forming tears in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let the Sides see him cry, he was too angry with them right now. He did his best to glare at Patton, but his heart wasn’t in it. Patton met his gaze and frowned back at him.

“We thought it was best that you thought we got along after Anxiety ducked out . . .” Patton told him.

Thomas shook his head, “Guys, that isn’t fair to me or Vir . . . Anxiety.”

“We know,” Logan replied. “That is precisely why we’ve decided to tell you now.”

Thomas walked over to Logan and passed him in favor of going to the kitchen. Logan stared at the manifester as he walked past him and into the kitchen.

“Thomas?” he inquired. “Are you alright.”

“Yeah! Just wanted some pizza,” the manifester replied as he opened his fridge.

Thomas started to hum as he rummaged through the fridge to find the left-over pizza.

“We were kind of in the middle of something, kiddo,” Patton reminded him.

Thomas looked up from the fridge and shrugged, “Eh. It’ll work itself out.”

“Anxiety?” Logan turned to him. “Why is Thomas acting like this? Shouldn’t you be keeping him on task?”

Anxiety looked up at Logan and gave a devilish smirk, “Oh, that is what Anxiety would do. Good thing that’s me.”

Logan’s eyes widened as Anxiety’s appearance began to change and was replaced with Deceit. The Dark Side looked around as the Sides reacted to his appearance.

“Where’s Anxiety?” Roman demanded, drawing his sword.

“Because you don’t care at all,” Deceit taunted. “He’s not safely tucked away.”

“Whoa, it’s Deceit. Hi!” Thomas reentered the commons, a box of cold pizza in hand. “Where’d Anxiety go?”

“Anxiety was never here, Thomas. Deceit fooled us again,” Logan informed him, making sure to stand between Thomas and Deceit.

Thomas looked past Logan to Deceit, “Well that’s not very nice.”

Roman stepped forward with his sword still raised. He was prepared to strike but doubted he would need to. Deceit’s motivation was usually self-preservation. He wouldn’t do anything that would cause Roman to attack him. Even when he impersonated Anxiety, he did it to stop them from telling Thomas, but it failed. They won. He lost.

As much as Roman didn’t like Anxiety, they needed him back.

“Tell us where Anxiety is. Now,” Patton’s commanded.

Deceit’s eyes widened as Patton spoke. The eldest Side glared at him from behind Roman. The normally childish Side looked downright frightening. Where Deceit was the strongest Dark Side, Patton was the strongest Light Side and he was far more powerful. Hence, Deceit impersonating Patton when he wanted Thomas to lie to Joan.

“Now,” Patton repeated, voice as commanding as before.

Roman glanced back and lowered his sword in shock. Logan stared moderately impressed with Patton. Thomas watched interested as he munched on a slice of cold pizza. The three turned to Deceit to see his answer.

“He’s not in his room. He’ll wake up when you all don’t accept him,” Deceit was pale as he watched Patton.

Patton’s frightening expression gave way to one of happiness, “Thank you! Now get out!”

Deceit sank out without another word.

“Can you take us, Thomas?” Patton turned to the manifester.

Thomas nodded and the group sank into the mind scape. Anxiety’s room wasn’t much different from last time. After a moment of looking around, Thomas spotted Anxiety unconscious on the floor. His eyes widened and he dropped the pizza he’d been holding.

“Anxiety!” Thomas ran over to Anxiety.

Thomas gave Anxiety a light shake, but the Side didn’t stir.

“What was it Deceit said?” Thomas asked. “He’ll wake up when?”

“How can we trust Deceit!” Roman exclaimed. “He started this mess!”

“How can I trust you when you lied to me about Anxiety, Roman,” Thomas shot back.

Roman frowned, but Thomas had a point. He did mess up big time. He should have been honest with Thomas. Thomas didn’t have any reason to trust him now . . .

“We should go back to my apartment,” Thomas told them as he noticed the large eye shadow developing on Roman.

Thomas closed his eyes and ran through the breathing exercise Anxiety taught him. When he opened his eyes, he was in his living room, Anxiety on the floor in front of him.

“Deceit said he’d wake up when he didn’t accept him, meaning we need to accept him or he won’t wake up,” Logan told Thomas.

Thomas nodded, “Can you guys do that? For real this time?”

Thomas looked down to Anxiety. The Side was paler than Thomas had ever seen him and if it weren’t for the rise and fall of his chest, Thomas would have thought he was dead. He frowned and gently brushed Anxiety’s hair out of his face. He couldn’t help but feel guilty about what the Sides put Anxiety through for his sake. Anxiety deserved better.

“I think I can,” Patton stated.

Thomas smiled as Patton spoke. He looked up from Anxiety to look at the remaining two.

“Logan? Roman?”

Logan bit his lip, “He does do his best to help you, even when it negative consequences for himself. If anything, that proves he is willing to work with us.”

“Roman?” Thomas repeated.

Roman crossed his arms. He couldn’t let himself be painted the bad guy, but did Anxiety deserve to be accepted? He caused them a lot of strife over the years and Roman couldn’t just forget it. Although, Roman himself made mistakes too and he got a second chance. Should he give Anxiety a second chance? Did it count as a second chance when he never really gave Anxiety a first chance?

Roman remembered what he said during the Accepting Anxiety videos. Even though it was a script, it was right. Anxiety pushed Thomas to practice and do his best while performing, without making Thomas too afraid to get on stage. He deserved a chance.

“Okay,” he smiled. 

* * *

 

Anxiety wasn’t sure where he was at first. It was dark and matter how far he seemed to walk, he couldn’t find a light source or a wall. The darkness just went on and on. He couldn’t find anyone. Perhaps this was what happened when Sides truly ducked out. It explained why he felt no connection to Thomas currently. He was alone.

How did he end up here? He hadn’t ducked out last he remembered . . . He’d been talking to Deceit. Deceit! How could he trust Deceit? Anxiety had no way of knowing what the snake was up to while he was here! What if he made things worse? Anxiety needed to go back to make sure things were okay before he could duck out for real.

He tried to sink out of the mindscape, but nothing happened. Anxiety blinked in surprise and tried again. Nothing!

_“Anxiety!”_

That was Thomas’ voice. He called him Anxiety. Did he know? The other Sides must have told him the truth. Thomas must be so mad at him right now.

_“What was it Deceit said? He’ll wake up when?”_

Deceit did something! He messed with them again! And wake up? He was awake! He was just stuck wherever this place was.

_“How can we trust Deceit! He started this mess!”_

That was Roman. So, the other Sides were with Thomas. Thomas was going to be okay. Deceit hadn’t tricked him into anything.

_“How can I trust you when you lied to me about Anxiety, Roman.”_

Anxiety was taken back by the anger in Thomas’ voice, especially since the statement was directed at Roman. Thomas never got angry at Roman. And Thomas cared about him? No, he had to just be mad that they all lied to him. He’d surely yell at Anxiety whenever Anxiety saw him again, that was, if Anxiety did.

_“We should go back to my apartment.”_

Thomas was in the mindscape? Anxiety looked around him, but none of the others were in sight. Nothing was. Just pure darkness. The only things he could see were his hands as he held them out in front of himself.

A strange sensation filled Anxiety and he grew dizzy. He stumbled and landed on his back. He brought his hands up and held his head. That felt as if he’d sank out, but he didn’t. The others did, but why would that affect him?

_“Deceit said he’d wake up when we didn’t accept him, meaning we need to accept him or he won’t wake up.”_

Accept him? They wouldn’t do that. The three made it very clear how they felt about him. Patton did make him dinner last night, but how hard could it be to dish up one extra serving and walk it upstairs? It was a trick anyways as later that night, the trio told him they wanted to tell Thomas the truth. Patton just wanted him in a good enough mood to agree.

_“Can you guys do that? For real this time?”_

Thomas again. He sounded so serious. He wanted the others to actually accept Anxiety. As nice as the concept sounded, Anxiety doubted they would. He would love for them to, but he knew better than to hope for that.

  _“I think I can.”_

Patton was the first to react. A strange feeling washed over Anxiety. It was warm and bubbled in his chest. He felt good, happy even. The warmth made him feel more comfortable than his hoodie could ever. He could almost sense arms wrapped around him, but that wasn’t possible. No one was around to hug him and no one he knew would.

_“Logan? Roman?”_

The warmth dimmed but didn’t disappear as Anxiety became anxious at Thomas’ questioning of the remaining two. There was no way they would try. If it were logical to accept him for Thomas’ sake, Logan might, but never Roman. Roman hated him the most.

_“He does do his best to help you, even when it negative consequences for himself. If anything, that proves he is willing to work with us.”_

He was right. Logan would try to help Thomas. Nonetheless, the same warmth washed over him. This time it was felt more concentrated than before. Somehow the warmth seemed calculated, more controlled than before. It enveloped him, but he didn’t feel like he was being hugged. Just a warm presence.

_“Roman?”_

The warmth faded instantly and left Anxiety feeling colder than he had ever felt before. He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself in a fruitless attempt to feel warm again. He waited to hear Roman’s rejection. He knew it was coming. Roman hated him. That wouldn’t change.

_“Okay.”_

Anxiety’s eyes widened. He couldn’t have heard Roman correctly. The warmth was back. More intense than the previous two times. Anxiety smiled. He felt safe because of it, like he knew it would protect him. He wasn’t sure why, but for once, didn’t question it.

The next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes. He blinked slowly and realized he was on the floor of Thomas’ apartment. He shot up and looked around in panic. How did he get here? Didn’t he duck out? Or did he?

“Anxiety, it’s alright,” Thomas placed a hand on his shoulder.

Anxiety flinched at the contact and Thomas dropped his hand. Anxiety looked back to Thomas and wondered if what he heard was real. It had to be a dream, right? There was no way the others would accept him. Especially Roman.

“What happened?” he asked.

Thomas sighed, “Deceit impersonated you. We didn’t find out until the others told me they lied about accepting you.”

Logan cleared his throat and Anxiety glanced his way. The logical Side fixed his tie and met Anxiety’s eyes. Anxiety felt a jolt of surprise when he saw Logan’s face. Logan’s face was filled with emotion, something Logan tried not to do often. Fear and worry were clear on his face, making him more vulnerable than Anxiety had ever seen him.

“I would like to express my apologizes to you, Anxiety. We treated you unfairly for far too long and that behavior is unacceptable. I hope you can find it in you to forgive us, forgive me,” Logan finished with a shaky breath.

Anxiety stared at him. Logan was apologizing to him?

“I would as well, Anxiety,” Roman’s voice snapped Anxiety out of his shock. “My actions were unfitting of a prince and more like that of a villain. I’m deeply sorry.”

Anxiety’s jaw dropped. Was this a trick? He looked at Roman unable to form words. If it was true, he didn’t know how to react.

“Kiddo, what we did wasn’t right. I hope we can make it up to you,” Patton added.

Anxiety couldn’t handle it anymore. He felt the tears welling in his eyes and wiped them away with his sleeve.

“Is it true?” he asked quietly. “I d-don’t, I c-can’t-”

His voice was cut off as a sob escaped his throat. His shoulders shook and he buried his face in his hands. He was ruining his chance. They’d take back their words when they say him cry like some stupid child. He knew it.

Suddenly, he felt arms around him, hugging him. It was warm like before in the darkness. The hug was tight, but not constricting. He latched onto the one hugging him, afraid to look up or let go. He held on and cried. As he did so, more joined. He risked looking up and through the tears, saw the other Sides and Thomas hugging him. He choked back another sob.

“Thank you.”


End file.
